what is anxiety?

beyond the mere physical

(this is holistic remember) –

the nervous energy;

the sleeplessness;

and the paralysis –

beyond the mental –

the always open conduit

of thought from elsewhere

(the ideosphere, messages from God

or the realm of madness?)

and the filling to overflow

of an ocean of chaos

that sometimes feels like

it has taken me over –

beyond the soul

and the sense of being

an emptiness that needs

to be filled but cannot,

that desperately seeks

answers it has no idea

how to find –

beyond the social –

the isolation,

the alienation,

the disconnectedness,

the stigma,

the misunderstood part,

rejected somehow by the whole –

there is much more besides.

But honestly, though I can

list this shit and feel

some modicum of catharsis

from the expression,

the worst aspect of all is

the loss, the not knowing

where it started:

what went wrong

or what can be done.

Anxiety is confusion

made whole by amnesia.